How to Bathe a Cat!

Bacardi is driving me nuts at times and is completely adorable at times.

today morning she went straight from the bathroom sink (where I was washing her face-she had been scratching her face incessantly since last night) to the kitty litter & stuck her head right into it !!!!!!!!

She then proceeded to drive me crazy throughout the day, I had workmen come over to fix the ac.. With the front door and french windows open, I couldn't take the risk. so shut her in the other HALF of the house . She almost scratched the door down. Even after dh came home (she normally snuggles up to him on the couch and goes off to sleep) she wanted to come into the hall. Once the workmen left and I had finished cleaning up, all doors were opened again at around 7pm. After that she goes into her aqua fina crate (in the part of th ehouse she was confined to for half the day) and goes off to sleep ! Even now she is happily curled up & sleeping. Whole day she drove me nuts.

One of my friends - Alison - suggested the following methods to bathe her :

Method 1 :
1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.
2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted.
3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape).
CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for any purchase they can find.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'power wash and rinse' which I have found to be quite effective.
6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself.


Method 2 :
1) with thumb and forefinger extended lift toilet seat up and secure.
2) gently grab your cat by the jugular ( to minimise movement) and carefully place it in the toilet bowl immediately securing toilet seat to prevent escape, by placing 2 house bricks on top.
3) open the lid to the cistern and select an appropriate shampoo. Johnsons baby shampoo is a popular choice as it does not sting the eyes.
4) measure out 10 mls of the shampoo and pour it into the cistern full of water and close the lid back on the cistern.
5) select the half flush mode for a pre wash to remove obvious grime and sit on the edge of the bath inserting your Ipod headphones into your ears and some Rakmaninov to dampen down the sound of the prewash cycle
6) On completion of the prewash cycle with your right index finger placed carefully over the flush control select 2 half flushes to effectively rinse away any shampoo residue.
7) keeping the toilet seat firmly in place open all exits and entrance ways and lay down plenty of old newspaper in gentle sloping pathways leading to all exits.
8) taking a tin of tuna dip the fingers of your right hand into it and carefully draw an invisible line on the path with the shortest route to the outside world.
9) return to the bathroom and removing the cistern lid for the final time measure out 15 mls of a good quality hair conditioner. Pantene Pro V for fine flyaway hair would be a good choice in most instances. Pour the conditioner into the now refilled cistern and select the final full flush to complete the washing cycle.
10) when the cycle is complete and you will know this by the complete refill of the cistern chamber carefully lift the lid of the toilet preferably whilst wearing some form of body armour and whilst standing well clear summon the now beautifully coiffured cat by saying in a medium tone so as not to alarm the cat 'here Kitty' whilst gesturing with your left index finger the most appropriate exit path to take. In all likelihood the cat being a trifle disorientated will choose the longest and most convoluted path to exit. This can easily be remedied next time by increasing the amount of tuna on the newspaper with the shortest distance to the nearest exit.

Method 3 :
1. Know that although the kitty cat has the advantage of quickness and lack of concern for human life, you have the advantage of strength. Capitalize on that advantage by selecting the battlefield. Don't try to bathe him in an open area where he can force you to chase him. Pick a very small bathroom. If your bathroom is more than four feet square, we recommend that you get in the tub with the cat and close the sliding-glass doors as if you were about to take a shower. (A simple shower curtain will not do. A berserk cat can shred a three-ply rubber shower curtain quicker than a politician can shift positions.)
2. Know that a cat has claws and will not hesitate to remove all the skin from your body. Your advantage here is that you are smart and know how to dress to protect yourself. We recommend canvas overalls tucked into high-top construction boots, a pair of steel-mesh gloves, an army helmet, a hockey face-mask, and a long-sleeved flak jacket.
3. Use the element of surprise. Pick up your cat nonchalantly, as if to simply carry him to his supper dish. (Cats will not usually notice your strange attire. They have little or no interest in fashion as a rule.)
4. Once you are inside the bathroom, speed is essential to survival. In a single liquid motion, shut the bathroom door, step into the tub enclosure, slide the glass door shut, dip the cat in the water and squirt him with shampoo. You have now begun one of the wildest 45 seconds of your life.
5. Cats have no handles. Add the fact that he now has soapy fur, and the problem is radically compounded. Do not expect to hold on to him for more than two or three seconds at a time. When you have him, however, you must remember to give him another squirt of shampoo and rub like crazy. He'll then spring free and fall back into the water, thereby rinsing himself off. (The national record for cats is three latherings, so don't expect too much.)
6. Next, the cat must be dried. Novice cat bathers always assume this part will be the most difficult, for humans generally are worn out at this point and the cat is just getting really determined. In fact, the drying is simple compared with what you have just been through. That's because by now the cat is semi-permanently affixed to your right leg.
7. You simply pop the drain plug with your foot, reach for your towel and wait. (Occasionally, however, the cat will end up clinging to the top of your army helmet. If this happens, the best thing you can do is to shake him loose and to encourage him toward your leg.) After all the water is drained from the tub, it is a simple matter to just reach down and dry the cat.
In a few days the cat will relax enough to be removed from your leg. He will usually have nothing to say for about three weeks and will spend a lot of time sitting with his back to you. He might even become psychoceramic and develop the fixed stare of a plaster figurine.
You will be tempted to assume he is angry. This isn't usually the case. As a rule he is simply plotting ways to get through your defenses and injure you for life the next time you decide to give him a bath. But at least now he smells a lot better.

dh & Bacardi are enjoying the matches & looking forward to the finals now :)